The holidays are a time of questionable privacy practices: We revere a character who sees us when we're sleeping and knows when we're awake. We send our children's personal information to unverified addresses in the North Pole. We even eagerly invite strangers to come through our chimneys into our homes.
Since the holidays are a time of sharing, we thought we'd share with you our PrivSec team's favorite holiday songs, with lyrics adapted for 2020 privacy and security trends.
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Deck the Halls – Nancy Libin
Deck the Halls of Congress with privacy legislation!
Give us a federal law, law, law, law, law (with state preemption).
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All I want for Christmas – Rachel Marmor
I don't want a lot for Christmas.There is just one thing I need.
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree.
I just want data minimization.
There's more than you could ever know.
Make my wish come true.
All I want for Christmas is you (to delete data that has outlived its purpose).
- Hark the herald angels sing – John Seiver and Emily Bruemmer
Hark! The Herald Angels sing, (and we made a voiceprint)
Glory to the door cam thing! (and we made a faceprint too)
Videos recorded and Santa smiled,
BIPA and Plaintiffs reconciled.
Joyful all consents are written,
Informed, loud and freely given!
The district judge doth proclaim:
"Case Dismissed," the clerk exclaims!
Glory to biometric fame,
Look ahead to the next new game.
- Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow – Maryam Casbarro
Oh, the IT infrastructure is frightful,
But our lawyers are so delightful,
And since we need to know where the data goes,
Let it flow, let it flow, let it flow (into the data map).
- Last Christmas – Clint Monteith
Last Christmas, I gave you my email; the very next day, you gave it away.
Last Christmas was GDPR,
But the very next day, was CCPA.
This year, to save us from tears,
Could we just get something federal?
- I Had a Little Cookie; I Made It Out of Page Views – Rachel Marmor (feat. Evan and Sam)
I had a little cookie;
I made it out of page views.
And when I've aggregated them,
My site analytics I will peruse.
- Santa Claus Is Coming to Town – Spencer Persson
You better watch out!
You better not spy!
If you collect data,
You better say why!
CPPA is coming to town! (not to be confused with CCPA, CPRA, or COPPA)
If you're making a list,
Better be checking it twice.
Privacy Protection Agency will decide
If you're naughty or nice.
CPPA is coming to town!
- What Child Is This – Ronnie London
What child is this
Who uses this platform
While Mommy is sleeping?
Whom apps greet with content sweet
While profiles trackers are keeping?
- Jingle Bells – Kara Trowell and Chris Savage
We don't sell, we don't sell…oh wait, that's a cookie!
Oh what fun it is to try to navigate CCPA.
We don't sell, we don't sell…our affiliates have common branding!
Oh what fun is had when there's straightforward understanding!
- It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas – Adam Greene, Becky Williams, and Lyra Correa
It's beginning to look a lot like HIPAA protected health information,
Everywhere you go.
Wear a mask and record your temp, it's glistening once again
With COVID screening and vaccination authorizations that grow.
- You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch – Kate Berry
You're a mean one, Mr. Mactaggart!
Your statutes do lack sense.
You gave us regulation, then you made it more intense, Mr. Mactaggart!
You're really running up our legal expense!
- Oh Come All Ye Faithful – Alex Reynolds
O come, all ye contracts, with no data protection.
O come ye, o come ye to negotiation.
O come and behold it, made the worldwide standard.
O come, let us adore it!
O come, let us adore it!
O come, let us adore it!
GDPR Article 28!
- I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus – Shannon McNeal
I saw Mommy tracking Santa Claus
(Tracking, tracking geo location)
On a location-sharing app last night.
He didn't see her creep
On his sleigh ride through my town's streets.
He thought the Feds would shield him from invasive data sweeps.
Then I saw Mommy serving Santa ads
(Serving, serving location-based ads)
Underneath the guise of free content.
Oh what a laugh it would have been
If Santa had exercised his opt-out right.
Mommy knows what Santa will buy tonight.
- White Christmas – Bob Stankey
I'm dreaming of a valid cross-border data transfer mechanism,
Just like the Privacy Shield I used to know.
Where the safe harbor glistens,
And Max Schrems listens,
To hear the ECJ say it's so.
- It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year – Chris Avery
It's the most wonderful time of the year (to update your Privacy Policy).
And just remember, when you put cookies out for Santa, he only accepts the chewy baked ones.